Mary Caroline Whims

As I sit down to write this, I feel a mixture of gratitude and something like shame. Recent news stories hang heavy in our collective consciousness, and meanwhile here I am writing about art and culture. How well does your life have to be going, how privileged must you be, that you have the time and energy to write an entire blog post about your personal aesthetic changing?!? I recognize that. I acknowledge that. But I also wonder if a lot of the things we may count as trivial are actually linked in some way to the “deeper,” more spiritual things. I think it’s possible that there might be some value in talking about light and loveliness even in the face of what sometimes seems like overwhelming darkness. Does it help? I don’t know. But I know I serve a God who thought His temple curtains should be woven with fine linen, blue, purple, and scarlet thread (Exodus 36:8-38:20). He wanted golden bells and pomegrantes around the hems of the priests’ robes (Exodus 28:33-34). So who can say? Maybe spiritual realities can be expressed through the physical modalities of color and line and form. Maybe, just maybe, God cares about which pictures I put on my wall. 

So I want to write this post just to notice that the pictures I put on my walls—the images I’m drawn to, even the clothes I wear—are changing. Where the Mary Caroline of two or three years ago was drawn to the dark academia aesthetic with its requisite Gothic architecture, musty books, and orreries, the current version of Mary Caroline is interested in sequins, rhinestones, and clear glass. The deep browns and natural greens I used to adore have given way to lavender, blossom pink, and pool-bottom blue. It’s a younger, almost little-girlish aesthetic; it reminds me of the fairies and unicorns I used to love so much when I was small. 

Why is my aesthetic changing? Well, I think I am changing. My older, slightly more somber aesthetic reflected my delight in attending college and digging deep into the glories of classic literature. Perhaps the colors and textures that interest me now have something to do with the fact that I’ve been taking steps—in my reading, in therapy, and in life—to care for what psychologists like to call my inner child. I’m asking questions like: what has influenced me up to this point in time and how? How can I share whatever artistic gifts I may have been given? The colors I like right now are reflective of the renewed joy and confidence I’ve discovered in these past few months. They’re lighthearted and ridiculous and fun. Which I’m glad about. I take myself far too seriously sometimes, and I’d like that to change.

I share this simply because I find these changes in myself interesting to observe, and I wonder if any of you have ever experienced a similar aesthetic shift. Did it coincide with any other larger changes in your mindset or attitudes? Did you decide to alter your personal aesthetic on purpose, or did it just “happen”? I’m curious. I’d like to hear as much of your story as you’d like to share. Please comment or even reach out to me if you care to. Each of us makes thousands of tiny decisions about aesthetics on a daily basis: today, you used that tablecloth and bought that band t-shirt. A moment’s pause, a little consideration about why you are drawn to some objects or designs instead of others, might lead to a meaningful reflection. Or it might just be pure fun. It might make you think about something other than war or sadness or whatever you find difficult in your life right now. Take it as you will. Like the Captain America snapback you proudly wore your freshman year of college, it’s just a phase.* There is a time for everything under the sun. 

*This definitely doesn’t refer to anyone in particular.